


my heart is glowing fluorescent

by dizzyondreams



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Accidental Bus Trip Cuddling, Fluff, Introspection, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Sleepiness, Vulnerability, set after book two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 14:30:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8804512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzyondreams/pseuds/dizzyondreams
Summary: Neil woke briefly, shallow wakefulness, that dreamy, half-sleep where he barely opened his eyes. He could hear soft talking from somewhere behind him, could smell cigarettes and boy sweat and laundry detergent, an oddly familiar smell, and before he could really take anything in he was asleep again.





	

Neil wasn’t one for falling asleep in unfamiliar places. Hell, what even _was_ a familiar place for him? He had barely stayed in one place long enough when he was growing up to become attached, and the places he did stay long enough were not the sort of places that were easy to sleep in. 

That was why he found himself equal parts bemused and anxious as he felt himself nodding off on the bus, eyelids heavy and head drooping as the bus sped along some anonymous highway. The Foxes were coming back from an out of state game he hadn’t been allowed to play in because Wymack, in his usual charming way, had declared him ‘too fucked up’, and that had been that. His stitches and bruises throbbed with every bump in the road, but his head was so fuzzy with exhaustion he barely registered them. The road was pitch black on either side, the beam of the headlights cutting through it like butter, tapering off into scattered light as the beam grew weaker. The white noise rumble of the concrete speeding underneath him and the warmth of the team packed in together was luring him closer to the temptation of sleep, but Neil resisted. He flicked his gaze around the bus, taking in Nicky’s dark head of hair pillowed on the seat in front of him, Dan and Matt curled around each other at the front of the bus. Even Kevin was sleeping, face pressed against the glass, a frown wrinkling his brow. 

“Just sleep.” A voice hissed from next to him, and Neil didn’t have to look to know it was Andrew. He’d taken the window seat of the middle bench, curled up against the window and hadn’t spoken a single word since they’d set off. Neil had sat next to him for whatever reason he didn’t want to identify, maybe because he knew Andrew wouldn’t try to speak to him. Neil shook his head, half as a reply and half trying to shake his drowsiness away.

“I’m not tired.” He mumbled, words thick and slow. It was a barefaced lie, he hadn’t felt well-rested since he’d returned from Evermore, but Andrew didn’t need to know that. He felt like he had years of sleep to catch up on, his battered body making him exhausted during the day, too awake at night. The bus rumbled on, and when Neil looked, Andrew was watching him. Eyes sharp as flint through the dim light of the bus, his shock of white blond hair, grey in the dark, sticking up like he’d been running his hands through it. The moment stretched, Andrew glowing through the dark, all hard eyes and twitchy hands. Neil swallowed.

“Don’t lie to me.” Andrew said, simply. His knees were pulled up to his chest, pale skin showing through the ripped knees of his jeans like slashes. He leaned forward, boot sinking into the old leather seats with a creak, and grasped Neil by the front of his sweater. Neil almost recoiled, _almost_ , eyes flicking down to Andrew’s small (always so surprisingly small) hand clenched in the collar of his sweatshirt. 

“Back off.” He said, an irritating lack of heat behind the words. He was too tired, even now, with Andrew’s face in his, annoyance pulling his lips back, Neil found his eyelids drooping again.

“Get some rest.” Andrew said, somehow managing to make the words seem like a threat. “You’ve got to get healed up.”

“Let go of me.” Neil replied, and Andrew stared at him for a beat, and then released him with a push that sent him wobbling back. Andrew sneered, and turned away to gaze out of the window again.

“Don’t make me knock you out.” He murmured, breath fogging the glass, and Neil ignored him. From this new, odd, unmedicated Andrew it wasn’t an idle threat, but Neil didn’t care anymore.

He tried to keep himself awake by running through the tapes he’d been watching for Wymack in his head, but his eyes were closed by the time he’d gotten a quarter of the way into the Wilkes-Meyers game he’d been watching earlier. His head was swimming and some small corner of his brain was telling him he could close his eyes for a second, just a second, he’d be safe he’d be safe, Andrew was awake he’d be safe, he’d be-

Neil woke briefly, shallow wakefulness, that dreamy, half-sleep where he barely opened his eyes. He could hear soft talking from somewhere behind him, could smell cigarettes and boy sweat and laundry detergent, an oddly familiar smell, and before he could really take anything in he was asleep again.

When he woke again, it took him a second to orient himself. He wasn’t sure where he was; Baltimore? California? Millport? _Evermore?_ At that, he jerked into wakefulness, hands flailing out just to reassure himself he wasn’t shackled. His hand hit the leather of the seatback, the other meeting cloth, and under that, warm human skin. Before he could withdraw his hand, heart still thudding in his throat, blood pounding in his ears, a cool hand wrapped around his wrist and yanked it away. 

“You are _such_ a liability.” Came Andrew’s familiar irritated snap, and Neil took a gasping breath and scrambled back as relief coursed through him. “Sleep well?” Andrew said, and Neil threw a glare blindly in his direction, still trying to control the shaking of his hands. He’d pulled his wrist from Andrew’s grasp as he’d moved away from him, and he rubbed at the skin absently as he tried to calm down.

“No.” He said shortly, dropping his voice low as he realised the others were sleeping around him. He dug his fingers into the scabbed skin on his wrists from Riko’s handcuffs, the sharp bloom of pain waking him fully. He wondered how long he’d slept, and a quick glance out of the window told him nothing. Andrew was still watching him, an amused quirk to his mouth that wasn’t anything like the manic grins Neil had become accustomed to. Neil glared back, and Andrew tipped his head back against the window as the silence stretched, eyes a flat black through the dark.

“You were sleeping like a baby.” Andrew murmured, and Neil couldn’t help his glance skipping over the line of Andrew’s jaw, his bared neck, his collarbone where his shirt had been dragged to the side.

“Watching me sleep?” Neil asked disparagingly, flicking his gaze back up to meet Andrew’s. The corner of his mouth curled. “Creepy, even for you.”

“Hard not to notice when you’re drooling on my shirt.” Andrew retorted, and Neil stared at him for a second before narrowing his eyes.

“I didn’t.” 

“You did.” Andrew said, eyes so unnervingly steady on Neil’s. Suddenly, his stretched out shirt made sense. Neil felt a rush of humiliation go through him. 

“And you let me?” He said, for lack of anything better to say. Sleeping was so inherently vulnerable, and to fall asleep on Andrew? Neil was just glad Nicky hadn’t seen it. 

Andrew shrugged one shoulder, shifting slightly as he drew a knee up to his chest and wrapped his arms around it. His armbands were so black against his white, white skin. Neil chased away the unbidden mental image of sliding his fingers under them, to touch skin no one but Andrew had ever touched. “Asleep Neil may be my favourite Neil.” He mused, smile mocking. “He’s a hell of a lot more quieter.”

“Shut up.” Neil shot back, a feeling he couldn’t put his finger on unfurling inside of him. Dimly, he remembered the smell of cigarettes and laundry detergent, clean sweat, a warm body under his cheek. The overwhelming feeling of safeness under Andrew’s watch, a ghost of a sleep-deprived emotion that made his stomach twist. It was easier to dismiss it, easier to bury it down deep into the cobwebbed box of ‘things to examine later when shit is less _fucked_.’

Neil didn’t fall asleep again, even as the sun began to cast watery grey light over the sleeping figures of the rest of the team. Andrew didn’t either, and neither of them said anything when Neil pressed his face to Andrew’s throat again. Andrew didn’t even flinch, just rested his head against the glass and let Neil stay there, nose pressed against the thrumming of his pulse. It was an odd, tight feeling, like a bubble that could burst at any moment. But the team were asleep, and the road disappeared below them in a blur of white noise rumble, and Andrew smelled familiar in a way Neil hadn’t encountered before. He thought briefly, maybe this is what you’re supposed to feel in a place that’s home, and shook it away just as quickly. There was no time for thoughts like that, not when Neil only had a few months left and when the smell of Andrew’s skin was resting heavy in his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! this is my first fic for this fandom, and it's for my good good wonderful friend jo, who is going headfirst into this dramatic ass book series with me
> 
> lyrics from i am a nightmare by brand new, and comments are always appreciated :^)


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